So yesterday I gave my boyfriend the link to my blog. He had asked me for it before but I just hadn't gotten around to it. (I have a horrible memory lol.) But what truly bothered me was the way I felt after he told me he read it. It was the most uncomfortable 30 minutes I've ever experienced. It probably wasn't even that long but it seemed to drag on FOREVER!
I felt so vulnerable. It was like being suddenly being exposed to the world. I was nervous and I felt like I was about to throw up. It was horrible. And then a thought came to me, "Why am I so fucking awkward?!" Why was it bothering me that he read something that I gave him permission to read? Then I realized, it wasn't him reading it that made me uncomfortable. I mean I never said anything on here that he couldn't read, it was the fact that I'm so much comfortable venting/ranting and just plain talking about my life with people I don't know than with people I do know.
I've always been that way and as far as I know, nobody close to me reads this blog and I'm perfectly fine with that. I actually planned it that way. I don't let people in. I don't like being open with those close to me out of fear of being judged. I think I give off this vibe that I'm a really strong, confident person. A lot of my friends have told me that they didn't believe I had insecurities which I think is a really dumb thing to say. Everyone has gets nervous. Everyone has moments in which they aren't the most confident person on the planet. But it's because I don't open up about things that my friends feel this way about me. I don't tell them I struggle so they don't assume I struggle. News flash: I am still a human being!
Wow I didn't realize how far off I took this post. This was not the desired route I planned on taking but I think in some senses, I needed this. I needed to sit back and type my life away.
I'm leaving this post untitled mainly because it's not finished. This is not something I can express completely in one post. I've been typing this off and on for the last 4 hours and I still can't get it all out. So this is it, my name is EricaJoy and this is my life
I felt so vulnerable. It was like being suddenly being exposed to the world. I was nervous and I felt like I was about to throw up. It was horrible. And then a thought came to me, "Why am I so fucking awkward?!" Why was it bothering me that he read something that I gave him permission to read? Then I realized, it wasn't him reading it that made me uncomfortable. I mean I never said anything on here that he couldn't read, it was the fact that I'm so much comfortable venting/ranting and just plain talking about my life with people I don't know than with people I do know.
I've always been that way and as far as I know, nobody close to me reads this blog and I'm perfectly fine with that. I actually planned it that way. I don't let people in. I don't like being open with those close to me out of fear of being judged. I think I give off this vibe that I'm a really strong, confident person. A lot of my friends have told me that they didn't believe I had insecurities which I think is a really dumb thing to say. Everyone has gets nervous. Everyone has moments in which they aren't the most confident person on the planet. But it's because I don't open up about things that my friends feel this way about me. I don't tell them I struggle so they don't assume I struggle. News flash: I am still a human being!
Wow I didn't realize how far off I took this post. This was not the desired route I planned on taking but I think in some senses, I needed this. I needed to sit back and type my life away.
I'm leaving this post untitled mainly because it's not finished. This is not something I can express completely in one post. I've been typing this off and on for the last 4 hours and I still can't get it all out. So this is it, my name is EricaJoy and this is my life
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